Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
