Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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