I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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