I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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