Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
