What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
