I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
