chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
