Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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