the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
