we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
