Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
