the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
