I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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