She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
