If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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