cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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