His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
