my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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