Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
