So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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