I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
