Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
