I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
