Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
high people should be assigned attendants
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
