Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
