We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
