You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
