Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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