areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
