i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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