it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize