I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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