It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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