Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
