I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
