I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
