And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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