Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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