drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
