how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
