i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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