remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
