she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
