Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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