When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like heaven, but drunker
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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