thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize