I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
