Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
