I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think i have two assholes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
