I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
