Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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