big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
