those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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