you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
