you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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