she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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