You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
