would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
