dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
