I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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